What to do When The Perfect Gift Isn’t so Perfect
Struggling with unwanted gifts? Learn how to handle them gracefully with tips on regifting, returning, donating, while preserving relationships.
Contents
- 1. How to Respond to The Gift Giver
- 2. What to do With The Gift
- 3. Ways to Avoid Getting Unwanted Gifts
- 4. Summary
- 5. FAQ
The holiday season, a time of joy and generosity, often leaves many grappling with a peculiar dilemma: what to do with gifts that miss the mark. It’s an ironic twist in the ritual of gift-giving, a practice meant to bring people closer, to communicate thoughtfulness and care. But not every gesture lands perfectly, and sometimes, the sweater that’s two sizes too big or the gadget no one asked for becomes a symbol of awkwardness rather than affection.
Research
Over half of Americans, about 140 million people, were expected to receive at least one unappreciated present last year, marking a significant increase from previous years. From ill-fitting sweaters to tech gadgets that don’t quite hit the mark, the pile of unwanted gifts is expected to total $10.1 billion, with the average discarded gift costing $72.1
Beyond the financial toll, these misfires in gift-giving carry environmental consequences. In the UK alone, returned clothing from last year’s holiday season generated 750,000 tonnes of CO2 emissions. With clothing, accessories, and household products topping the list of most unwanted items, it’s clear that our well-meaning intentions can often miss the mark.
The Most Common Catagories of Mismatched Gifts
| Type | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Clothing and accessories | 49% | 46% | 43% |
| Household items | 29% | 31% | 33% |
| Cosmetics and fragrances | 24% | 25% | 26% |
| Technology | 15% | 20% | 25% |
| Food and/or drink | 15% | 16% | 17% |
| Music | 12% | 14% | 15% |
| Literature | 17% | 16% | 15% |
| Other | 4% | 2% | 1% |
This isn’t to say the spirit of giving is lost. Far from it. Gift-giving is an art, a way of saying “I see you, I know you, and I value you.” Yet even the best of intentions can falter. These moments remind us that the exchange of gifts isn’t just about the object itself but the intention behind it—and what happens next. Some regift, others quietly tuck the item away, and a few even find creative ways to repurpose the unwanted gifts.
Research
In his paper Gifts in a World of Commodities James Carrier explores the complex dynamics of gift-giving in a consumer-driven society. He argues that while gifts are often portrayed as acts of pure altruism or love, they are deeply influenced by cultural norms and expectations. This “ideology of the perfect gift” reinforces the idea that a gift should not only reflect thoughtfulness and intimacy but also symbolize the giver’s knowledge of the recipient’s tastes, preferences, or needs. 2
In the context of unwanted gifts, Carrier’s insights help us understand the underlying tensions. When a gift feels impersonal or mismatched, it can subtly challenge the social script of what a gift is “supposed” to represent. The recipient may feel disappointed, not necessarily because of the gift itself, but because it might signal a lack of effort, understanding, or closeness in the relationship.
So, how do we handle these unwanted gifts? As we delve into the nuances, we’ll explore thoughtful strategies to manage them gracefully, while considering the environmental and emotional aspects of this holiday conundrum.
Following is a guide on how to deal with unwanted gifts thoughtfully. Follow these steps to handle unwanted gifts with grace.
How to Respond to The Gift Giver
Thank them for their effort. Before we discuss what to do with the gifts that you don’t want or need, let’s discuss how to respond to the giver in these situations. After all, a bad gift is not worth ruining or harming a relationship.
Approaching the situation with grace will help preserve the relationship while acknowledging their effort. Once you’ve navigated this initial step, you can move on to deciding what to do with the gift—whether that’s regifting, exchanging, or donating it
1. Thank Them For The Gift
The first step in handling an unwanted gift is showing genuine appreciation. Even if the gift misses the mark, it’s essential to recognize the thought and effort behind it. Consider how much care goes into selecting a gift for someone else—then imagine how disheartening it would feel if your gesture was met with indifference or criticism.
Start by thanking the giver sincerely. A simple statement like, “Thank you so much for thinking of me!” goes a long way. Try to highlight something positive about the gift, such as its color, the effort it must have taken to choose, or even the occasion itself. For example, “This is such a thoughtful gesture; I really appreciate it!”
This is not a lie. You’re just showing appreciation for the effort put in by them which fosters goodwill and also spares the giver any hurt feelings. The value of a gift often lies in the sentiment behind it rather than the object itself. Whether the gift aligns with your personal tastes or not, expressing gratitude ensures the relationship remains warm and intact, which is far more valuable than the gift itself.
2. Carefully Communicate Your Feelings About The Gift
If you want to also let them know that the gift is not quite what you wanted, it’s good to be honest about it rather than be quietly resentful. Honest communication is the foundation of any relationship. If you feel comfortable, let the giver know what types of gifts you appreciate.
This can be and should be done subtly, such as by mentioning things you love in conversation or through a wishlist. Most people don’t want to give gifts that the recipients don’t like, they’re likely just wrong about your preferences. In most cases they would appreciate guidance and are happy to give something more to your liking.
Research
Research suggests that givers and receivers view gifts differently: givers think about gifts in a more abstract way and focus more on how desirable the gift is, while receivers care more about how practical it is. Givers don’t always pick gifts that make receivers happiest, even though they believe they are. It also suggests that givers are aware of their emotional distance from the receiver, but receivers don’t feel this distance as strongly. 3
3. Ask For Permission if You Want to Exchange or Return it
Sometimes, handling an unwanted gift requires a gentle conversation—especially if the gift comes from someone you’re close to or if similar situations arise frequently. The key is to approach the topic with sensitivity and appreciation so the giver feels valued and respected.
If the gift is from someone close to you, such as a family member or close friend, consider their feelings before making any decisions. They might ask about the gift later, and being honest yet gentle is key. For example, you could say, “I love that you thought of me, but I’m not sure it’s quite my style. Do you mind if I exchange it for something else?”
What to do With The Gift
Find that gift a new home. When it comes to unwanted gifts, it’s easy to feel a little stuck. You don’t want to offend the person who gave it to you, but you also don’t want something you’ll never use to gather dust in a closet. The good news is, there are thoughtful and practical ways to handle these situations without guilt. Whether it’s a sweater that’s not your style, a gadget you already own, or something you just don’t need, there’s always a better purpose it can serve.
From regifting to someone who’d truly appreciate it, to donating it to a cause that will make a difference, you have plenty of options. Some gifts might even be eligible for exchange or return, giving you the chance to find something more suited to your taste. And for those items with sentimental value, finding a creative way to repurpose them can help you keep the thought behind the gift alive.
What People Do With Unwanted Gifts
| 2022 | 2023 | 2024 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Give them to someone else | 35% | 37% | 39% |
| Keep them | 43% | 39% | 35% |
| Exchange them | 26% | 29% | 32% |
| Sell them | 17% | 22% | 27% |
| Throw them away | 8% | 12% | 16% |
| Give them back | 8% | 10% | 12% |
| Other | 2% | 1% | 0% |
Ultimately, the goal is to make the most of the gift in a way that feels right for you while still honoring the gesture behind it. Here are some thoughtful and practical ideas to help you handle those tricky situations with grace.
1. Try an Alternate Perspective
Receiving an unwanted gift can feel unpleasant, after all, we all have some expectations for gifts we receive and getting something that we don’t see as having any use to us can be off putting. But you have to also keep in mind that not all gifts are supposed to provide utility. Sometimes, non feasible gifts serve an important purpose. It can be a signal of the value of a relationship in the recipient’s mind. After all, if you don’t get much monetary or utility value out of the gift, both the giver and the recipient are sacrificing money for building a relationship. It filters out the opportunists. This is why gift shops tend to be filled with gifts that most people would consider “unpractical.”
A caveat to this is that if people whom you don’t have close interpersonal relationships with, there’s no point in “sacrificing” money and effort on unfeasible gifts. You’re better off giving them something that adds value to their life.
Even when getting an unwanted gift from someone who you don’t have a close bond with, shifting your mindset can make the experience more positive. Instead of focusing on how much you like or dislike the gift itself, think about the time, effort, and thought the giver put into choosing it.
Example
If you receive a sweater in a color you never wear, consider it a reflection of the giver’s intention to keep you warm and comfortable. Or if you’re given a book on a topic that doesn’t interest you, appreciate that the giver saw you as someone who values learning and growth.
Sometimes, an unwanted gift can lead to unexpected opportunities. A kitchen gadget you weren’t initially excited about might inspire you to try a new recipe. A decorative item that doesn’t match your current style could be the starting point for refreshing your space. A scarf that doesn’t suit your style might make an excellent table runner or be turned into a DIY project. By reimagining the item, you give it new life and ensure it doesn’t go to waste.
While this won’t work every time, sometimes what you get is not salvageable, sometimes viewing the gift through the lens of thoughtfulness and possibility, you can turn it into a pleasant experience.
2. Re-Gift It
Re-gifting has a bit of a bad reputation, but when done thoughtfully, it can actually be a practical way to give a gift a second chance to shine. The key to successful re-gifting lies in consideration and tact. If the gift is brand new and you know someone else who would appreciate it more, consider passing it along.
First, think carefully about the recipient—does this item truly suit their taste, needs, or lifestyle? The goal is to ensure the gift feels intentional, not like a last-minute hand-off.
Note
Make sure there are no inscriptions and don’t forget to remove any cards from the original giver or it might lead to some embarrassing situations like this NPR reader did.
Don’t re-gift within the same social circle or to the original giver. This can lead to awkward situations. For example, if you received a candle set from a colleague, gifting it to a distant relative might be a better move than passing it on to another coworker. Make sure the item is brand-new and in its original packaging. If it’s something personalized or too obviously linked to the previous giver, it’s better to skip re-gifting entirely.
Done right, re-gifting is an eco-friendly and thoughtful way to ensure that an unused gift finds a home where it will be appreciated. It’s not about “getting rid” of something—it’s about giving it a new life.
3. Exchange or Return
If the gift came with a receipt, you might have the option to exchange it for something more to your liking. Many stores have generous return policies around the holiday season. Be sure to check the store’s return policy (Google it) and stick to the deadline.
If the gift isn’t quite right, exchanging or returning it is a practical solution that allows you to make the most of the situation. While it can be a little uncomfortable, especially if the gift-giver is close to you, handling it gracefully can prevent unnecessary clutter in your life and ensure you get something more suited to your tastes or needs.
When you choose to exchange an item, it’s important to do so discreetly and within the return window. If you can, opt for a store credit or exchange for something that aligns more with your preferences. Keep in mind that some stores may require you to show proof of purchase, so it’s best to avoid throwing away gift receipts.
Tip
If you don’t have a receipt, try politely asking the giver if they have it. Frame it as a practical request, like, “I’d love to exchange this for a size/color that works better for me—do you happen to have the receipt?” This ensures the process is smooth and avoids any awkwardness at the store.
If the item isn’t something you can return or exchange easily, consider asking the giver directly if they’d mind facilitating the process, especially if they’re someone who values the gift being truly useful to you. A polite, appreciative tone can make this conversation go smoothly.
4. Donate It
If you can’t find a use for the gift, consider donating it to charity. Many organizations welcome donations of new or gently used items. This way, the gift finds a new home with someone who will appreciate it, and you get the satisfaction of helping those in need. If the gift doesn’t fit your needs or tastes but is still useful to someone else, donating it can feel like a win-win.
Before you donate, consider the quality of the gift and where it might be most appreciated. Gently used items like books, clothing, or kitchen appliances can go to local charities or shelters, where they’ll be put to good use. Even new, unopened items that don’t suit your style could be perfect for donation drives or organizations in need.
Donating can also allow you to be more mindful of your possessions and embrace a minimalist approach. If the gift isn’t something you’ll ever use, passing it on to someone who will is a generous, practical decision that keeps the cycle of giving going.
If you don’t know any charities, Charity Navigator is a great resource to help you find a trustworthy charity to donate your unwanted gift to.
Ways to Avoid Getting Unwanted Gifts
Wishlists are your cheatsheets. To avoid the potential awkwardness of receiving unwanted gifts in the future or if it’s a recurring issue, consider creating a wishlist that’s easily accessible to friends and family. A wishlist gives others a clear sense of your preferences and needs, making it more likely that the gifts you receive will be something you truly want or will use.
Platforms like Amazon, Pinterest, and Wishlist allow you to curate a list of items you’d love, from practical gadgets to personal items. Share the wishlist with your loved ones ahead of birthdays, holidays, or other gift-giving occasions. This way, they’ll know exactly what to get you, and you won’t have to worry about returning or re-gifting. You can also drop the wishlist on your social media.
Tip
When creating a wishlist, include options that cater to different budgets. For example, if you’re sharing an Amazon wishlist, add smaller items like a favorite book or a cozy pair of socks alongside bigger-ticket items. This ensures that no matter the giver’s financial situation, they’ll find something meaningful and affordable to gift you. It also helps avoid awkward situations where they feel pressured to spend beyond their means.
While it might feel a bit forward, providing a wishlist shows you’re thinking ahead and want to make gift-giving as easy and enjoyable as possible for both parties. It’s also a great way to help loved ones feel more confident in their choices, knowing that the gift will be something you appreciate and enjoy.
As the following YouGov poll reveals, 4 the majority of people in the country prefer that the givers surprise them with gifts rather than asking what they want, so it’s normal for people to assume that everyone prefers the same thing. But you can let them know that you’re part of the minority and subtly let them know of your wishlist.
Having a wishlist doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or against the gift giving spirit. It’s about ensuring that gifts are truly meaningful, while also reducing waste and unnecessary clutter. It’s a simple step that can make future gift exchanges much smoother.
Summary
Sometimes you get unwanted gifts. It happens. But handling unwanted gifts with grace is all about gratitude, perspective, and thoughtful communication. By being thoughtful in your response and communicating your displeasure subtly to the gift giver, you can navigate these situations with ease while not harming your relationship with them.
You can try finding some purpose for the gift and see if you can make the best out of it, if that doesn’t work, you can choose to re-gift, return, or donate. I recommend that if the giver is close to you ask permission to do it or they might be offended or hurt.
The key is to approach the process with a sense of empathy and respect.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it rude to return or exchange a gift?
It’s not as long as you handle it thoughtfully. I recommend you ask permission if the gift giver is someone close to you. If not, it’s perfectly fine to exchange it for something you’ll actually use. If they do ask, a polite explanation, such as, “I wanted to make sure it doesn’t go to waste,” usually works. Read More
Can I re-gift something I don’t want?
Yes, as long as you do it carefully. Make sure the gift is suitable for the new recipient, and avoid giving it back to the original giver or someone in the same circle. Re-gifting can be a thoughtful way to ensure the item finds a recipient who appreciates it. Read More
Should I always show appreciation for a gift, even if I don’t like it?
Yes, showing appreciation is important to maintain relationships. Even if it misses the mark, they have likely put in effort into picking and buying it. A simple “thank you” with a smile should work. Read More
Article Sources
1. 53% of Americans to Open At Least One Unwanted Gift in 2024 - Finder.com
2. Carrier, James. GIFTS IN A WORLD OF COMMODITIES: The Ideology of the Perfect Gift in American Society. Social Analysis: The International Journal of Social and Cultural Practice, no. 29, 1990, pp. 19–37. JSTOR, Accessed 26 Jan. 2025.
3. Ernest Baskin, Cheryl J. Wakslak, Yaacov Trope, Nathan Novemsky, Why Feasibility Matters More to Gift Receivers than to Givers: A Construal-Level Approach to Gift Giving, Journal of Consumer Research, Volume 41, Issue 1, 1 June 2014, Pages 169–182,
4. If someone is planning to get you a gift, would you prefer they ask you what you want or surprise you? - YouGov Poll
