Money Can't Buy Love: How to Convey Affection Through Gifts
This article explores the significance of emotional connection, thoughtfulness, and personal meaning beyond materialistic gestures.
Contents
- 1. Why Money Matters in Gift Giving
- 2. Why Money Can’t Guarantee Love or Connection
- 3. A Better Way to Give
- 4. Summary
In a world obsessed with wealth and material possessions, and consumer culture that is focused on always owning the newest, coolest “toy” as a means to display status, it’s worth thinking about the things apart from these that truly matter. And while you have to be either a monk or an idealistic yet naive person to dismiss the value of owning wealth and the pleasures that it brings you, anyone who has more than enough of it will tell you that money can’t buy everything.
Can it buy love though, or a true connection? Not by itself. Otherwise no rich person would ever be lonely.
The nature of gift giving is a complex one, governed by a variety of motivations. Some give and exchange gifts for fair reasons, such to build social connections or to maintain them, to show investment in a relationship, to keep families together through shared customs. Others have more nefarious reasons, such as to gain trust and favors by manipulation, or to maintain their narcissistic image or even to establish social dominance by showing the recipient’s their place. Some exchanges are purely economical and others have emotional value.
Research
A study on factors leading to online purchase intentions in the customized gifts industry in Denmark found that customization options significantly influence consumers’ online purchase intentions for customized gifts. Also, consumers perceive customized gifts as having higher value compared to non-customized gifts, which positively impacts their purchase intentions.1
We see celebrities making grand gestures, the wealthy engaging in extravagant courtships, and movies depicting lavish romantic scenes. Yet, a lingering question remains: Can love truly be purchased?
It turns out it’s a tricky one. Research on the subject sheds light on what helps to build and maintain relationships and form true connections. In this article I explore how money and gifts relate to love. Can they “buy” love? What role do material things play in the matter of the heart and what they can’t achieve. Let’s explore why money and gifts can’t truly buy love, and unveil the elements that matter.
Why Money Matters in Gift Giving
Some memories last forever. Material things do matter when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships. As much as we think of love as a spiritual process, there are certain aspects of it that are driven by evolutionary purposes driving us to select people that will result in the most chances of survival. Historically, from a woman’s perspective, a man who is able to spend resources on a gift is signaling to her that he is capable of taking care of her and the future children. And while modernization allowed women to be financially independent and thus these things matter less, they are still relevant.
Our gender affects how we give. Men tend to give gifts to display their resources and status while women tend to prioritize gifts as indicators of emotional and relationship investment.
Research
A paper on evolutionary psychology perspective on gift-giving among young adults suggests that gift-giving serves various adaptive purposes, such as signaling attraction, establishing social bonds, and enhancing reproductive success. From an evolutionary standpoint, gift-giving can be seen as a display of resources, generosity, and commitment, all of which contribute to mate selection and the formation of social alliances. 2
No matter how progressive and intelligent we become as a civilization, it’s important to remember that there’s still a part of our brain that follows the rules that evolution has set for us. It drives us through our emotions and feelings and subsequently the choices we make in life. We’re not hyper-rational beings, we’re humans.
So, how much you spend on a gift or what it signals to the recipient about you is going to, in some part, affect their perception of you. This doesn’t mean that it’s the only thing that matters or even that you can’t get around it. This also doesn’t mean that only focusing on these signals is enough to form real relationships.
The point of my bringing up this is that it’s important to consider these factors when making choices on what to buy for your recipient.
How much you spend on a gift signals to the recipient how much you’re willing to invest, thus it acts as a signal of commitment. Although, you have to be careful if you’re trying to avoid gold diggers.
Gift giving practices may have evolved as a means to establish alliances and enhance reproductive success. People exchange gifts to establish social bonds, build trust and maintain cooperative relationships. It’s a signaling behavior and a costly one at that. By investing time, effort and resources into signaling and giving gifts individuals demonstrate their commitment and investment in the relationship.
Tip
Instead of buying expensive items for a date, spend that money on an experience. Taking them out to an expensive dinner signals to them your willingness to invest and their approval of it signals to you that they’re not in it for monetary gain since they don’t get to enrich themselves with it.
Why Money Can’t Guarantee Genuine Love or Connection
When a gift is more than just a gift. Money and gifts can enhance the dating experience but are not sufficient for building genuine love and connection. While financial resources can provide comfort and enjoyment, they are not the foundation of a lasting and meaningful relationship.
Relying solely on material possessions as a means of attracting or sustaining a relationship can be superficial and unsatisfying. True love goes beyond material wealth and is based on emotional connection, shared values, and mutual respect.
Building a successful relationship requires more than monetary gestures. It is important to invest time, effort, and emotional energy into understanding and nurturing your partner. Genuine love cannot be bought or quantified by material measures alone.
Research
“Can’t Buy Me Love: Dating, Money, and Gifts” by RW Belk explores the complex relationship between dating, money, and the act of giving gifts. The research article delves into the notion that while money can enhance one’s dating experience, it does not guarantee genuine love or connection. Belk argues that relying solely on material possessions as a means of attracting or sustaining a relationship can be superficial and ultimately unsatisfying. 3
In the paper mentioned above the author emphasizes the importance of emotional connection, shared values, and mutual respect in fostering meaningful romantic relationships, highlighting that true love cannot be bought or quantified by monetary measures alone.
Money and gifts should not be used as a substitute for emotional intimacy. While gestures of generosity can be appreciated, they should be accompanied by genuine care, understanding, and emotional support.
Focus on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and shared experiences rather than relying on material possessions. These elements are crucial for a fulfilling and lasting romantic relationship.
Overall, the article emphasizes the need to prioritize emotional connection and shared values over material wealth when it comes to dating and building meaningful relationships.
A Better Way to Give
Based on this, here are some ways you can use this information to make thoughtful gift-giving choices:
1. Focus on Personal Meaning
Gifts are better when they mean something. Instead of solely relying on expensive or extravagant gifts, consider the personal significance of the gift to the recipient. Think about their interests, hobbies, and values, and choose a gift that aligns with their preferences.
By choosing something that holds personal meaning for them, you show that you value and appreciate their unique qualities, strengthening the bond between you and making the gift more memorable and cherished.
Example
If your friend is a passionate book lover, instead of buying a generic bestseller, consider gifting them a rare first edition of their favorite author’s book. This shows that you value their literary interests and have taken the time to find something truly special for them.
2. Consider Experiences Over Material Possessions
Give them a memorable experience. Rather than buying an expensive item, consider giving the gift of an experience or shared activity. This could be a concert, a weekend getaway, a cooking class, or any other activity that allows you to create memories together.
By choosing experiences over material possessions, you prioritize shared moments and the creation of lasting memories. These experiences provide opportunities for connection, laughter, and adventure, making the gift more meaningful and memorable than a physical object alone.
Example
Rather than buying your parents an expensive piece of jewelry for their anniversary, plan a weekend getaway for them to a cozy bed and breakfast in a scenic location. This experience allows them to relax, rejuvenate, and spend quality time together, creating cherished memories in a tranquil and romantic setting.
3. Prioritize Thoughtfulness and Effort:
They know you can when they see the effort you put in. The value of a gift often lies in the thought and effort put into it. Handmade or personalized gifts that show you’ve taken the time to consider the recipient’s preferences can be more meaningful than a generic expensive item.
By prioritizing thoughtfulness and effort, you show the recipient that you value their individuality and have invested time and energy into creating a gift that is tailored to their preferences and interests. These personalized and handmade gifts often hold more sentimental value and convey a deeper level of care and appreciation.
Example
Instead of purchasing a ready-made gift basket for a coworker’s birthday, put together a custom gift basket tailored to their interests. Fill it with their favorite snacks, a book by their favorite author, and small items that reflect their hobbies or passions. This thoughtful selection shows that you have taken the time to curate a gift specifically for them.
4. Emphasize Emotional Connection:
Touch their hearts with a personal gift. When giving a gift, focus on how it can deepen the emotional connection between you and the recipient. Consider gifts that promote quality time together, facilitate open communication, or symbolize shared experiences or memories.
By emphasizing emotional connection in your gift-giving, you show them the value you place on the relationship and create opportunities for deeper connection and shared experiences. These gifts go beyond material possessions and prioritize the bond and emotional well-being of the recipient.
Example
Instead of purchasing a material possession for your parent’s anniversary, consider creating a personalized photo album or a scrapbook filled with cherished family memories. Include handwritten notes and captions that express your love and gratitude. This gift symbolizes the shared experiences and memories you have built together, fostering an emotional connection between you and your parents.
5. Pay Attention to The Recipient’s Needs and Desires:
You need to be close to someone to know what they need and desire. Listen and observe to understand what the recipient truly wants or needs. Rather than assuming that an expensive gift will impress them, take the time to understand their preferences and desires, and choose a gift that aligns with their wishes.
By paying attention to the recipient’s needs and desires, you demonstrate your thoughtfulness and consideration. These gifts show that you have listened, observed, and chosen something that aligns with their wishes, making the gift more meaningful and appreciated.
Example
Rather than assuming that your partner wants a lavish piece of jewelry, pay attention to their fashion choices and accessories. If they tend to wear minimalist and dainty jewelry, consider gifting them a simple and elegant necklace or a pair of earrings that align with their style. This demonstrates that you have noticed their preferences and chosen a gift that fits their personal taste.
6. Communicate Love and Care:
Communicate what's in your heart with gifts. Presentation of a gift matters and helps convey your intentions to the recipient. Accompany your gift with a heartfelt note or letter expressing your love, appreciation, and gratitude for the recipient. Let them know that your gift is a token of your affection and a reflection of the emotional connection you share.
By including a heartfelt note or letter with your gift, you go beyond the material item and directly express your emotions, love, and care for the recipient. This personal touch adds depth and meaning to the gift, making it more than just a physical object but a representation of your emotional connection with them.
Example
Along with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for your partner, include a handwritten note expressing your love and gratitude. Write about the ways they enrich your life, the special moments you’ve shared, and how much they mean to you. This heartfelt message accompanies the gift and communicates your deep affection and care.
Summary
Gift selection by givers is mostly based on the giver’s self concept and has less to do with the characteristics of the recipient. What you choose to give says a lot about you.
Your gift giving behavior will reflect on your personality as a whole as it is driven by your motivations.
Americans waste a lot of money on gifts. Exchanging gifts is a pretty wastfull tradition overall. Most people will give gifts that the recipients don’t desire or need. There’s a reason gift shops are full of items that are inefficient.
There’s a method to this madness. Giving an inefficient gift which the recipient won’t have much utility for implies that you’ll get something similar in return. This means both you and your recipient have sunk money into your gifts. This sacrifice of money indicates that you care about your relationship with them enough to do it. It signals a sense of selflessness that is an important indicator of a successful relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it always the thought that counts when it comes to gifts?
When it comes to close relationships, the thought behind the gift and the message it conveys matter more than its monetary value. This does not apply to people with whom you don’t have a personal relationship with. Read More
How to convey affection through a gift?
Accompany your gift with a heartfelt note or letter expressing your love and appreciation for the recipient. Let them know that your gift is a reflection of the emotional connection you share. Read More
How to make a gift seem thoughtful?
Giving custom or handmade gifts is a great way to show that you’ve put thought behind the gift. It makes the recipient feel special. Read More
Article Sources
1. Do, N.T.T., 2021. Factors Leading to Online Purchase Intentions: Customized Gifts Industry in Denmark. ABAC Journal, 41(1), pp.100-120.
2. Saad, Gad, and Tripat Gill. An evolutionary psychology perspective on gift giving among young adults. Psychology & Marketing 20.9 (2003): 765-784.
3. Belk, Russell W., and Gregory S. Coon. Can’t Buy Me Love: Dating, Money, and Gifts. Advances in consumer research 18.1 (1991).
